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[24 Aug 2005|11:52pm] |
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new lj, new sn, new email, new myspace.
if you were on my friends list, i added you, so add me back. my first journal entry in the other lj has all my other new stuff.
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| stings |
[23 Aug 2005|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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alternatively, i got everything i wanted...
everything i wanted from the wrong person.
joy? no, just a sick stomach.
shut up.
you were holding a bundle of balloons, then i asked you to marry me and you said yes. then i said be with me, and you said no. then i woke up this morning.
aren't you curious?
( strive strive strivin, my day so far. )
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| forever trapped in who we are |
[23 Aug 2005|01:37am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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metallica - nothing else matters |
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went to chillis with nicole and jain
drank a strong margarita
saw red eye and 40 year old virgin
made a call from a random pay phone
came home
took pictures of nicole for nicole
now im tired and i hope tomorrow will be a good day
here is a random picture of jamie i took a few days ago.
goodnight.
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[21 Aug 2005|10:16pm] |
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mood |
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 horrible |
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im so frustrated right now.
my face is burning and my eyes hurt.
thanks dad for taking back the promise you made to me this morning you piece of shit.
thanks mom for being a bitch about it.
i need to get the fuck out of this house.
you wont answer your phone and everyone else is clueless and far.
im about to just risk driving my car and risk the 2000 dollar ticket.
i need to get out of here, i cant breathe.
i feel so stupid for looking forward to this evening.
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[21 Aug 2005|02:00am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
if i could only ever think about the situation i was actually in, life might be a lot easier.
im home. im tired. i doubt im going to have good dreams and i can tell something is not right with all of this.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
oh yeah, ever poured your heart out to someone, only to find out they didn't hear any of it... litereally? haha its great. it was meant to happen??? just another one of fates red flags waving in my face, but like always i wont pay any attention to it cause im crazy.
great.
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[20 Aug 2005|01:55am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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i really wanna see the movies red eye and 40 year old virgin.
today was cool. woke up on julians couch then went to work and was laughing with everyone all day, agreeing on how much that place sucks now. then got off early and cashed my check. went over to nicks with jain bryce jamie and jesse and took some pictures of bryce puking.
tomorrow austin is coming into town, and there is a show that i really want to go to. julian and jesse are probably going to throw a party for him, and i know it would be fun, but at the same time i want to just go listen to music and enjoy myself. jesse thinks i should hang out with everyone but i guess we'll see. i just dont feel like arguing and having to be mean to get my point across.
oh yeah, apparently last night when nicole and her girlfriend were messing around after the party, nicole called her raven. wow, yeah... uhhhh
goodnight?
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| two birds with one stone |
[19 Aug 2005|02:27pm] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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music |
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mike jones - still tippin |
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hahah what a night and what a day so far...
last night nicole and skyler brought a hookah with flavored tobacco and a bottle of tequila over to julians. so nicole, skyler, christian, julian, nick, allen, allens friend?, bryce, jain and i sat in a circle for about an hour. Then Christian invited over Jackie and Mandy at my request, and they came over. So we all sat around and smoked orange/grape/lemon tobacco from the hookah that nicole and i filled with juice boxes and crushed ice. it was tasty.
a few hours later no one could drive so i fell asleep on one of julians couches. early this morning i woke up to the high pitch bitching of Nikki and Nick in the kitchen. I had badass dreams, but a head ache so I watched TV till Julian dropped off me and Christian at my house. Then Jackie took us to HEB and I bought them beer for their camping trip.
ha.
Anyway... I got offered a job with Nicole at the hook up lounge. I'm going to take it so I'm putting in my 2 week notice today when I go in at 4. Ok so my job is fun, sometimes... but I've already built up all the clientele that I can handle. besides, people are only signing up for private lessons anyway. I'm just eliminating the middle man. I'll be making more money at the lounge in tips alone than I ever was doing gay ass paper work at Michaels. Not Only that but I'll still be able to teach my classes so there really isnt a point to me staying, having to work every weekend, and only getting 16hours a week of in office hours... pffft fuck that.
I feel good about this.
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[18 Aug 2005|01:13pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY LITTLE BROTHER
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[17 Aug 2005|09:57pm] |
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mood |
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 laughing at the vagina mouth |
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One thing I have always wanted to do on livejournal is post videos, and FUCKING AWESOME I just learned how.
It takes a little while to load but its worth it. I captured this one on my camera while I was out to eat with Jain. You can here her laughing and talking in the background and the filter for the tank sounds like one of the aliens in the movie Signs. Try eating chinese food while this thing is sucking on the glass two inches away from your face. I seriously couldn't stop laughing.
This is only the first of many to come.
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| on my sleve |
[17 Aug 2005|04:04am] |
everyone is downstairs watching sin city but i can't sit still.
Tonight I went to the hook up lounge to see Nicole.
Anna called... I haven't talked to her in weeks... it only took me 5 minutes to get out what i needed to say. We are no longer friends. I can't have people in my life that only ever bring me down, and hold me back.
Months of serious thinking has brought me to this. It might back fire in my face, but it's worth it. I honestly can't move on in my life if I don't do this. If I am not who I know I can be. Every person I ever hurt because i was hurting will be hearing from me. I'll apologize, and I will admit it, but you're going to have to be open to believing me if we are going to start healing from any of this.
Nothing will ever mean more to me...
I am completely sincere.
Livejournal is a joke when it comes to something this important. so i will extend my intentions by other means.
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[16 Aug 2005|05:03pm] |
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mood |
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 completely broken |
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music |
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staind - its been a while |
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so last night my dad said something to me that i will never forget. in fact, it's probably the most important thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life.
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| great hair / bad day |
[14 Aug 2005|05:59pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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so my day was great till austin called. he started telling me this big story about what 'really happened' last night. WHATEVER I DONT CARE LEAVE ME ALONE IM SAD ENOUGH THANKS!
i kept telling him to please stop calling but he just kept calling back to yell at me and call me a whore for breaking up with him. now im crying cause im a pussy.
i hate liars.
almost as much as i hate people who think ill believe their bullshit.
layne and sara please come get me now now now.
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[14 Aug 2005|12:13am] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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music |
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bdm |
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so i put my arms above my head, and picture myself breathing in white and then exhailing black. - i have a lot of self-cleansing to do.
my past feels like a thousand wet blankets on my back... but they keep me warm. ew.
today turned bitter when i got a phone call that ended horrible and tragic. it really did hurt me to have to say those things, but somehow even with the pain it's causing me i know its right. it's hard to explain but i feel weird, old, ready, something i don't know cause i've never felt like this before.
i want it to be cold outside... kinda. But fall and winter make me feel so lonely. I always see cute couples hugging and keeping each other warm with their little bodies. Not only that there are so many cute couple things to do when it's cold outside... starbucks christmas coffee... walks... holding hands while wearing sweet mittens... cold kisses... and awww red cheeks and noses. All the holidays... fuck, this winter is going to be horrible. haha im so lame... i did however buy a crap load of sweet new fall and winter clothes so yey.
speaking of yey, i got a lot of compliments on my hair today... so to all my wonderful friends that make me feel really pretty, thanks, and i love you. I'm so glad I finally have a group again, a big family that depends on each other. I havn't had that sense before I got out of high school. it feels great to know they support me no matter what.
ok i need to shut up. im sorry for rambling.
poop.
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[12 Aug 2005|01:53am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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As i lay dying - Confined |
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...cant sleep...
just spent the last 50 minutes fixing my camera... sux that i didnt have it for my trip but here are some photos to eye-fuck yourself to.
( birthday, old me, new me... enjoy )
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| seek and destroy |
[11 Aug 2005|11:29pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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music |
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As i lay dying - Confined |
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its never what i expect, and that is why i love it
it was a personal thing, so it will stay a personal thing. in short, the trip was amazing, fast, interesting and as always... confusing.
I dyed my hair all dark again, its different shades of reds, browns and black. I got my ears to double zeros and i am finally able to wear the gages that inspired me to stretch in the first place.
I love the song confined by as i lay dying.
i watched the notebook for the first time in a few months.
I got a lot of thinking done.
I sketched out some pretty intense 'pieces to be'.
I finished my drawing titled, "endless", that has taken me 4 months to complete.
I'm in love with Kristen from Laguna beach, LC sucks donkey balls. Annnnd I hope in Season 2 Kristen and Stephen get back together and watch LC fall off a cliff.
I Realized just how deep my roots are in Austin. I love this town, and I don't think I'll ever be able to leave for good.
All the rest is way to personal and would probably scare you... just know that I have decided...
I know which dream to chase and which dream to leave behind.
finally.
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| checkers |
[07 Aug 2005|11:35pm] |
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mood |
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 traveling |
] |
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music |
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metallica - unforgiven II |
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tomorrow at 7:05am I'm headed north on a sentimental journey for my mind and heart.
I've decided to travel by Bus so I can get a lot of writing done. I'ts actually not as expensive as I though it was going to be and hotels are amazingly cheap in texas when they aren't located anywhere near water.
This is a spur of the moment kind of thing, but I have the money and I just need to get away and be alone for a few days. I'll be back late thursday night.
Don't worry I'm not running from anything. In fact, being alone will only give me more time deal with things.
the shitty part... i have an ear infection, ON TOP of the pain i am already feeling from gaging my ears to O's this morning.
Ok well I better get to sleep. wish me luck.
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indigoaura's journal
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